Can Cold Water Clean Dishes?

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Virginia .

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.

However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, 'Are these plates clean?' His grandfather replied, 'They're as clean as cold water can get em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!'

For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, 'Are you sure these plates are clean?' Without looking up the old man said, 'I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!'

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. John yelled and said, 'Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car'.

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted .

'COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN NOW, YAH HERE ME!!!'

Marijuana Filled Firewood

'Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?'

'Yes. What can I do for you?'

'I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith....He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there.'

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'Thank you very much for the call, sir.'

The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.

'Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....Did the Sheriff come?'

'Yeah!'

'Did they chop your firewood?'

'Yep!'

'Happy Birthday, buddy!'

The wife from the city

Amy, a Chicago city girl, marries a rural rancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, "The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today.

I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?"

After a while the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down to the barn.

They walk past cow after cow and when she finally sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one... right here."

Terribly impressed by what he thought just might be another dumb blonde, the man asks, "Tell me little lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?"

"That's simple: By the nail over its stall," Amy says.

Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"

She turns to walk away, and with complete confidence says, "I guess it's to hang your pants on."