Longshot

Brazillian Bush

George Bush was attending a conference of South American leaders to drum up support for the Coalition on "The War on Terror"

George was asked a question by a South American delegate about US troops serving with Brazilians.

Bush's reply. "I don't care how they wax their privates as long as they can fight."

Spot The Idiot

Cooked Politician

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...

* Tourist: $5

* Broiled Missionary: $10

* Fried Explorer: $15

* Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100


The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, 'Why such a price difference for the Politician?'

The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of crap, it takes all morning."

What's Missing From Dick?

What's Missing From Bush?

Clown Terror

Surgeon Chat

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color-coded."

The third surgeon says, "no, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in, "you know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, "you're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and rear are interchangeable."

iDiot

What is Politics

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him .
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny
He gives up and goes back to bed .

The next morning, the little boy says to his father,
'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. '
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class
while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.'

Cthulu For President

Why choose the lesser evil? Go for the greater evil!

Cthulu For President!

Hillary's Ancestor

Ms Judy Wallman, a professional genealogical researcher, discovered that Hillary Clinton's great-great uncle, Remus Rodham, was HANGED for HORSE STEALING and train robbery in Montana in 1889.
The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the Gallows.
On the back of the picture is this inscription:
"Remus Rodham; horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the 'Montana Flyer' six times, caught by Pinkerton Detectives, convicted and hanged in1889.

Judy e-mailed Hillary Clinton for comments.
Hillary's staff of Professional Image adjusters sent back the following biographical sketch:

"Remus Rodham was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana rail road.
Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to service at a government facility, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the rail road.
In 1887,he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency.
In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed."

Letter From Osama

After numerous rounds of 'We don't even know if Osama is still alive', Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game

Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of coded message:
370H-SSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleezza Rice. Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to Interpol and Mossad. Eventually they asked MI6 for help.

Within a minute MI6 emailed the White House with this reply: 'Tell the President he's holding the message upside down.'

Hillary Clintons Indian Name

Senator Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of The American Indian nation two weeks ago in upper New York State .She spoke for almost an hour on her future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living, should she one day become the first female President.

She referred to her career as a New York Senator, how she had signed "yes" for every Indian issue that came to her desk for approval...

Although the Senator was vague on the details of her plan, she seemed most enthusiastic about her future ideas for helping her "red sisters and brothers".

At the conclusion of her speech, the Tribes presented the Senator with a plaque inscribed with her new Indian name - Walking Eagle.

The proud Senator then departed in her motorcade, waving to the crowds. A news reporter later inquired of the group of chiefs of how they had come to select the new name given to the Senator.

They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of crap it can no longer fly.