English Hospitality

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of bitter.

After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighborhood with big, stately residences. No pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all no public restrooms.

However, he really has to go, after all those Guinness’s. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.

As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London bobby, who says, “Sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know.”

“I’m very sorry, officer,” replies the American, “but I really have to go, and I just can’t find a public restroom.”

“Ah, yes,” said the bobby, “just follow me”. He leads the American to a back delivery alley to a gate, which he opens.

“In there,” points the bobby, “whiz away sir, anywhere you like.”

The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.

Since he has the policeman’s blessing, he relieves himself and feels much more comfortable. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the bobby “That was really decent of you. Is that what you call English hospitality?”

“No sir…”, replied the bobby, “that is what we call the French Embassy.”

In Case Of Revolution

Now we know what to do when they take over!

The Business man & The Taxi driver

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left, but five dollars and the second half of his round trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport, he could get himself home. So, he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.

He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and barely made it in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success , returned to Vegas, and this time he was a big winner. Later, feeling pretty good about himself,
he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab back to the airport.

Who should he see at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make this guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.

The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport, " he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much to give me a blow job on the way?" "What? Get the hell out of my cab!"

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.

When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied, "Fifteen bucks." The businessman said, "O.K." and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the businessman gave a big smile and a thumbs up to each driver.

Ahhhhh, sweet revenge.