How to Fly

Don't Masturbate In The Showers

I'd be TOO frightened to even consider this in the public showers

Get Close To The Animals

Escaped Convict

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

Condom Dress

Clown Terror

Can I Recommend A Builder?

Explain This! 3rd

Explain This! 2nd

Explain This! 1st

My First Goatsie

Sexy Style

She has a really Sexy Style

Personal Service Device

Do you want one? OMG!!

Live in Russia

Hungry Guy

Zombie Food Pyramid

Please follow the reccomended dietary guidelines to keep your Zombie in tip top condition.

Delicious

It's the fish that JohnWest reject......

That looks soo yummy!

Lethal Food & Drink

1. The Japanese eat very little fat, and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans, British or Australians;



2. The French eat lots of fat, and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans, British or Australians;



3. The Japanese drink very little red wine, and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans, British or Australians;



4. The French (and Italians) drink excessive amounts of red wine, and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans, British or Australians.



Conclusion: Eat and drink whatever you like, and in any quantities; it's speaking English that kills you.

Aliens Watching Us

Out in space two alien forms are speaking with each other.
The first spaceman says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based weapons."
The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first spaceman says, "I don't think so...They have them aimed at themselves."

Making Hamburgers

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"

So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"

Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."