Bubba's Sister

Bubba’s sister is pregnant and is in a bad car accident, which caused her to fall into a deep coma. After nearly six months, she awakens and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, “Ma’am, you had twins — a boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them.”

The woman thinks to herself, “Oh, no! Not ;Bubba — he’s CRAZY.”

Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, “What’s the girl’s name?”

“Your brother named her Denise,” the doctor answers.

The new mother thinks, “That’s a beautiful name. I guess I was wrong about my brother. I like the name Denise.”

Then she asks the doctor, “What’s the boy’s name?”

The doctor replies, “Denephew”

Dude Eating Helium

Walk The Dog Game

Seriously, WTF?

Powers Of Observation

A professor teaching medicine at the university was tutoring a class on 'Observation'. He took out a jar of yellow-colored liquid. "This," he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant to color, smell, sight, and taste."

After saying this, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched on in amazement, most, in disgust. But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped one finger into the jar and then put it into their mouth.

After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my 2nd finger into the jar and my 3rd finger into my mouth."

Lesson learned!

Blow

So Wasted

Gay Flight Attendant

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle saying

"Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.

"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise

your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said,

"In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no-one."

To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat,

"Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch."

Brazillian Bush

George Bush was attending a conference of South American leaders to drum up support for the Coalition on "The War on Terror"

George was asked a question by a South American delegate about US troops serving with Brazilians.

Bush's reply. "I don't care how they wax their privates as long as they can fight."

Too Many Piercings

Here's a guy with High Self Esteem!

Spot The Idiot

Explain This! 4th

Busted

I just love the facial expressions on these two guys.

What's Missing From Tom?

What's Missing From Michael?

What's Missing From Dick?

What's Missing From Bush?

Stupid Buyer

In my previous life as a fed agent I was often asked to assist with some "undercover" sting operations all over the Northeast US. One of the most memorable was a op in northern Maine. I was to play the brother-in-law of our source who's co-worker had recently asked him if he knew of any good dealers of crack.

Long story short they brought me in to sell him crack. We met the "Client" as planned and you should have seen this kids eyes when I pulled out this giant bag of crack we had obtained from a previous bust. He looked like he was going to start crying, like he had just come to know Jesus or something... anyway he wanted to buy it all, every last gram of it, but he had only brought $150.00 bucks with him.

I thought for a second and asked him if had his checkbook on him and he did. I asked him how much money he had in the bank, he told me and I told him he could just write me a check for the total. This kid didn't think twice about it and started writing the thing out. As he was writing he asked me all the usual questions, correct spelling of my name, confirmed the date, then stopped writing for a second, put his pen down, and I started to panic.

He looked me straight in the eye and he stated that he always wrote down "the reason"in the little space provided in the lower left hand of checks for that purpose. Before I could even speak he picked his pen back up again and started writing, then folded the check in half and handed it to me. Before I handed him the crack I wanted to see what he wrote, so I unfolded the check and read aloud; "For Illegal Drugs", the second I read that out loud we could all hear very loud laughter coming from the room next door.

You see I was wired and 6 agents were in the next room, hanging on every word. They knew they had alerted this guy and without delay came charging into the room to arrest him, but what a strange sight it was to see 6 armed feds tearing into a room, guns drawn and laughing so hard they really could not even speak in complete sentences...

George W Goes to Heaven

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, “You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?”

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?”

Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.

Saint Peter is suitably impressed. “You really ARE Einstein!” he says. “Welcome to heaven!”

The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.

Picasso asks, “Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?”

Saint Peter says, “Go ahead.”

Picasso erases Einstein’s equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.

Saint Peter claps. “Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!” he says. “Come on in!”

Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, “Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?”

George W. looks bewildered and says, “Who are Einstein and Picasso?”

Saint Peter sighs and says, “Come on in, George.”

Explain This! 3rd

English Hospitality

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of bitter.

After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighborhood with big, stately residences. No pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all no public restrooms.

However, he really has to go, after all those Guinness’s. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.

As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London bobby, who says, “Sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know.”

“I’m very sorry, officer,” replies the American, “but I really have to go, and I just can’t find a public restroom.”

“Ah, yes,” said the bobby, “just follow me”. He leads the American to a back delivery alley to a gate, which he opens.

“In there,” points the bobby, “whiz away sir, anywhere you like.”

The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.

Since he has the policeman’s blessing, he relieves himself and feels much more comfortable. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the bobby “That was really decent of you. Is that what you call English hospitality?”

“No sir…”, replied the bobby, “that is what we call the French Embassy.”