30 Famous Quotes

1. want to know God’s thoughts… the rest are details.
Albert Einstein

2. An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.
M.K. Gandhi

3. Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.
Dr. Napoleon Hill

4. Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
Mark Twain

5. Great works are performed, not by strength, but by perseverance.
Samuel Johnson

6. Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
Mark Twain

7. If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
Mother Teresa

8. Where does the family start? It starts with a young man falling in love with a girl - no superior alternative has yet been found.
Sir Winston Churchill

9. A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
William James

10. A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong, gives it a superficial appearance of being right
Thomas Paine

11. A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak.
Michael Garrett Marino

12. Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish.
Albert Einstein

13. Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Napoleon Bonaparte

14. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
Sir Winston Churchill

15. In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr.

16. The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don’t have it.
George Bernard Shaw

17. We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
Friedrich Nietzsche

18. Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Napoleon Bonaparte

19. Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
H. G. Wells

20. Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Edward George Bulwer-Lytton

21. God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Voltaire

22. I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.
Thomas Alva Edison

23. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
James Branch Cabell

24. Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Jimmy Durante

25. A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
Dwight D. Eisenhower

26. All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Arthur Schopenhauer

27. Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Will Durant

28. When you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.
Friedrich Nietzsche

29. Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Jean-Paul Sartre

30. It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
Oscar Wilde

Cynicism

1. I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce.
2. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
3. Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
4. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
5. My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.
6. All things being equal, you lose.
7. If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
8. I can only please one person each day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
9. Smile... Tomorrow will be worse.
10. It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
11. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
12. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
13. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
14. Thank you for not annoying me more than you do.
15. Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
16. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
17. This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.
18. If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will.
19. A cynic is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
20. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
21. I need not suffer in silence when I can still moan, whimper, and complain.
22. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
23. Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.
24. Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.
25. I'm extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.
26. I'd like to help you out; which way did you come in?
27. How can I miss you if you won't go away?
28. I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. This wasn't it.
29. From the moment I picked your book up to the moment I set it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend to read it.
30. I don't care who you are, what you drive, or where you'd rather be.
31. I'm not cynical. I'm just experienced.
32. I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
33. I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.
34. Don't hate yourself in the morning. Sleep till noon.
35. It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail in the process.
36. You may pretend to dislike me, but deep down, you know you hate me.
37. Well aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution.
38. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
39. Well this day was a total waste of make-up.
40. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
41. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
42. I'm not your type; I'm not inflatable.
43. Well aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine.
44. Don't worry. I forgot your name too.
45. Aww, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
46. You look like shit. Is that in style now?
47. Wait... I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
48. I don't have an attitude problem, it's supposed to be this way.
49. It's not that I'm antisocial, I'm just not friendly.
50. Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you're interrupting.
51. I'm sorry, do I resemble your therapist?
52. I think someone has to be listening to you for it to be an actual conversation.
53. I don't care where you go, as long as you get lost.
54. It is just you.
55. I heard you, and so what if the world's ending at noon today, I can't chat with
you until tomorrow.
56. I don't have an attitude; I have a personality you can't handle.
57. I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
58. You laugh because I'm different; I laugh because you're all the same.
59. If I throw a stick, will you go away?
60. I didn't know regurgitated spam could talk.
61. If brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose."
62. If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
63. A mind is a terrible thing to waste; I'm glad they didn't waste one on you.
64. Next time you get the urge to think...don't.
65. I'm not antisocial. I just don't like people.
66. Would you kindly shut your noise hole.
67. You have no idea how acutely depressing it is to realize we're from the same species.
68. "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit" as said by those incapable of its proper application and as such suffer from it a lot.
69. It's not that I wish any harm to the guy, I'm just saying I could happily sit by while someone knocks his head off.
70. It's people like you who make the Internet all but impossible to trust.
71. Next time you wave, use all your fingers.
72. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
73. Well, I was nearly killed three times, fell off a bridge and broke my jaw.�How was your day?
74. On your way down the banister of life, may your ass collect tons of splinters.
75. Are you renting the space in your head? It could be profitable.
76. I'm sorry.. Am I poking holes in your self-esteem bucket?
77. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.
78. If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
79. I wonder what life would have been like if you had had enough oxygen at birth.
80. Whatever it is that's eating you, it must be suffering horribly.

Worlds Shortest Books

A list of the World's Shortest Books:

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan Illustrated by Michael Moore

MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton

Sequel:

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY By Bill Clinton

MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE by Osama Bin Laden

THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD by Bill Gates

THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman

THINGS I KNOW TO BE TRUE by Al Gore & John Kerry

A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES by Dr. J Kevorkian

ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnel

GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE by Mike Tyson

MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O.J. Simpson

HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE by Ted Kennedy

MY BOOK OF MORALS by Bill Clinton with introduction by The Rev. Jesse Jackson

Lawyers

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. It's worth reading to the end! Those of you who have worked with attorneys will find this very easy to understand....


ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
_______________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________


ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voo doo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
____________________________________________

And the best for last

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Welcome

Hello, seeing as I have too many jokes I am going to post them to a separate blog.

My main blog can be found here: Japan Donuts & Trains